A Man Gives Way to His Addiction–and Dies
Shortly before Christmas, Matt’s mother came home to her dead 40 yr. old son. He had been living with her for several years in an attempt to help him commit to sobriety. Her values prevented her from walking away. His addiction had been a long struggle for both. She had talked to friends for strength in getting through the difficulties in trying to help him. Her efforts to lead him and support him ended in tragedy, his death from alcohol while she briefly vacationed with other family.
Truly, Addiction is the Plague of our Times
Since Matt’s passing, the process of grieving is well underway for you. I just wanted to let you know that we are with you in spirit and understanding. Perhaps you are even ahead somewhat because of the long time you dealt with his dying process. He was headed to self-destruction for many years, especially, I think, after his head injury, also a part of the addiction picture.
So, the many memories of him keep coming up for you, memories of both good and bad times, memories of the little boy and his brothers, all the joys and tribulations that a young family brings. Memories of the highs and lows of your life as they were connected to your boys flash in and out of your grieving awareness, until they hopefully will give way to peace and acceptance.
You have been in this process for years, ever since it became clear that Matt’s addiction would eventually bring his demise. I know of no worse destruction than that of addiction. And, of course, Matt received the double dose of brain injury that grievously affected the addiction.
The bad is very real and culminated in his final self-destruction that you are now left with processing, struggling through the emotions, and finally, giving his actions, struggles, and terrible decisions, that he couldn’t seem to stop making, their resting place.
I hope that you are kind to yourself. What you showed to the world was a mother who did everything possible, against overwhelming odds for success. It is very difficult to let our children live out their destinies without thinking that maybe we could stop the process. You tried valiantly to intervene, and give him unconditional love. His life was better for it, the best that circumstances would allow.
Matt was actually a very good man. He had kindness and love of the animal world as primo assets. Even with his deficits, humor did not pass him by. He worked hard and had an admirable set of skills. I enjoyed getting to know him and was grateful for the way he helped others without reservation. We will miss him, too
Now, hopefully, you can heal and set a course for yourself that gives you joy, peace, and freedom.