Tag Archives: Coping Skills

Go Ahead–Trust Your Inner Wisdom

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Here’s a Coping Skill Ready for Use Now!

Amazingly, the wise inner self, with its personal growth answers, may lay dormant for long periods of time. You may need to develop confidence in your own abilities to find solutions to life problems, empowering yourself. An optimistic attitude will push you forward, and help overcome anxiety.

Building confidence means trusting yourself to come up with answers. You may even be

Whooooo but you!

Whooooo but you!

telling yourself that other, wiser people have the answers for you, without even
listening to or trusting your inner voice.

You may never have considered that you have strengths beyond the obvious. When under pressure, it is common to forget inner resources that are available and accessible with practice. Perhaps you have been so resistant to developing inner resources that the idea of turning inside for help is too foreign. Maybe you are so dependent on others that you wait for a “magic answer.”

Perhaps you have been too traumatized, and need professional therapy. There’s not just one answer; you can strengthen inner resources along with professional help. Indeed, that is the perfect solution.

Answers That Materialize, Much To Our Surprise

Have you ever tried to figure out a problem or remember a name or solution, only to draw a blank? Finally, just letting go, continuing on with the day, or sleeping, suddenly you are aware that the solution pops into your head? The mind is forever a source of wonder. Evidently, we have to be relaxed to access our strongest resources. The all-knowing inner strengths are usually there for the asking and believing. We have to cultivate our access, though, like you would plant and nurture a beautiful garden.

As you embrace building inner wisdom in your personal growth and development, the process may be hampered by periods of trauma or upheaval. Patience will be your helper. Meditating or just sitting quietly fosters self-confidence, and often turns up the level of self-knowledge.

Practice Makes Growth Solid

As with learning all new abilities, these skills and intuitive senses need practice and work before they are reliable. The added value is that as you practice, you will be learning and accomplishing relaxation. The practice will require sitting quietly, centering yourself, focusing on developing expertise for yourself, and quieting your mind.

If you find little success, take a walk in nature and focus on what your senses bring, for example, the blue of the sky, the sound of distant birds, or sit on the beach and feel sand trickle through your fingers. When you have achieved a relaxed state, put a question to your self. What are you trying to solve? Don’t throw away any answers that bubble up. End by giving thanks, and return to your day. You will be turning over your dilemma to your inner wisdom. Watch and listen carefully in the days to come for new answers.

Brain Changes Aid Personal Growth

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Improve Coping Skills at All Ages

Awareness and learning about the brain can be a scary topic. Many people, including seniors, just opt out of neurological information as too complicated to spend much time exploring. Not so! Continue reading

Send Me An Angel

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Finding Your Angel May Mean Being an Angel

As I listen to the Family’s and church’s service for Whitney Houston, her greatness becomes clear. Her talent reigned always. But, what drove her mourners to celebrate her life was the person she was deep inside. A clear theme proclaimed, she was great because of her inner self. So, too, all of our greatness comes forth from within, not just from a talent or charmed life the few are able to live.

Getting Out of Yourself as a Coping Skill

Getting stuck in sadness and why me? keeps us focused on what we don’t have, instead of what we do have. Always, care givers, personal and professional, are besieged with “how can I rise above my sorrow, my pain?” And there is no short miracle that happens when we are simply heard by another human being! However, eventually we professionals, turn to teaching and helping the person in pain build a way to keep pain at bay. Listening to the person is part of the teaching way.

The foundation of living successfully in this life is simply learning to make your life count. Since we are social beings in various ways, making your life count will entail helping others make their lives count.

Where Do I Find the Strength to Make My Life Count?

The answer lies deep within and having the courage to reach for the strength. Give me “one moment in time/when I’m racing with destiny/Then in that one moment, I will feel eternity”. Those lyrics sung by Whitney Houston at the 1988 Summer Olympics opening in honor of guiding athletes to believe in one’s self against all odds.

Thus finding the strength is closely related to awareness of others’ challenges and struggles, and the courage of reaching beyond ourselves. It is made much easier by adopting a spiritual side where strength is given for the asking. Expect miracles!

Disabilities May Be Missed as Our Parents Age

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Aging Disabilities May Start Slowly

Deciding on the need for adaptive equipment may require noticing details and subtle differences as age progresses in our loved ones. We may even tend to overlook a lessening of functioning in our elderly parents, or not realize the time is coming when caregiving, possibly in their home, will be necessary.

Pain may be increased with age and disabilities and require attention and/or medical and psychological interventions. Depression almost always increased pain. See other posts on pain management.

We may even resist moving into our roles as caregivers, wanting our parents to stay the strong and sturdy parents we always knew. Or perhaps the thought of giving that care may be too big of a burden, and we turn to denial, a problem that surely complicates the elder’s and potential caretaker’s lives. Thus both parties may struggle with depression and guilt.

Signs to Look For

If their movements are tentative and unsure, perhaps it would be wise to evaluate where the failings are beginning. It is a given that sitting down and getting up become more of an effort as age progresses. Hesitancy in walking and being a little unsteady on their feet may be some of the first signs.

Usually, the elder will start noticing how easy tasks have become difficult. They may comment, “I’m not as sure of myself as I usually am”, or “I can’t seem to go as far as I used to.” Sometimes even, “I guess I’m getting old” will be expressed with a sense of loss and regret.

Managing the Emotional Side

Depression is common and may need the assistance of professionals, including evaluation by psychiatric professionals regarding medication needs. Honest expression of emotions by both the elder and potential caretaker can stop damaging build up of resentments. Ask a psychologist to help mediate the discussion, if you are uncertain how to handle emotions.

Acceptance is Difficult

Many times, the elder will not accept using a walker or wheelchair, usually feeling that the use of these items will be a public announcement of their “weaknesses.” Some will want to hold on until they can’t hide the lessening of abilities; some even may fall or not be able to walk without hurting themselves. Definitely, help is a necessity now.

Many Products are Available to Meet a Range of Needs

Often the ability to be mobile is a gradual failing, one that family may not notice as it begins. When it becomes more and more apparent that age is progressing, thinking of help with personal care and mobility will be appreciated. The elderly may be embarrassed or not want to admit that simple tasks have become difficult.

However, adapting to challenges will not escape anyone, and making mobility and personal care safer and easier are certainly good places to start. Do research about home medical products and adaptive equipment to solve a variety of problems.

Mind-Body Health as a Way of Life

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Reducing Stress: A Whole Mind-Body Health Experience

Within the stress relief area, emotional resilience, courage and positive thinking are critical for increased coping skills and prevention of hopelessness. In the face of overwhelming events and injury, it may take a period of time before attitudes and thoughts can swing to hopefulness and positive thinking. However, survival depends on attacking problems from a “can do,” determined stance. Talk to others, let friends and family be of help, get a therapist when feeling stuck.

Activities that reduce stress and promote feelings of control and self-esteem vary from simply getting out of house and talking to those who care, exercising however you can, to finding ways to be mobile. From a place of mastery can grow self-confidence and hope. If anxiety doesn’t overwhelm, the day can be manageable. Taking control over physical movement and daily living activities produces self-reliance and independent living skills, and serves as a re-introduction to your inner core strength.

A core concept in pain management is mind-body relaxation. Biofeedback teaches such skills; however, you can get a jump on the strategies by teaching yourself or using cds/computer software to learn relatively simple relaxation concepts.

Learn and practice breathing and relaxation skills.

Let’s review from other posts how relaxing your body and mind allows for healing. The body cannot heal if it is tense; the mind may take you to irrational fears, worry and ultimately depression. Tension increases inflammation of muscles. Here’s where you bring in your “healthy avatar,” that part of you that naturally connects you to health and vitality. Relaxation skills will lead the way.

Simple relaxation by deep breathing can calm down anxiety: Steps to begin: Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm. Breathing from your chest won’t relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your ‘gut.’ Slowly repeat a calming word or phrase such as ‘relax’ or ‘take it easy.’ Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. For those who used breathing for child-birth or other stressors, rely on your previous learning.

*Imagery; visualize a relaxing experience from either your memory or your imagination, your special place. This technique is accomplished all in your “mind’s eye.” Some people go to the beach, to grandma’s house, a meadow or mountain top……Have your special place in your mind before beginning. Then start with breathing to relax and set the tone.
**Use all of your 5 senses to intensify the imagery: 1. Sight–see colors, shapes; 2. Hear sounds that you would expect at your special place–soft voices, music, birds singing,a bubbling brook; 3. Taste a special drink, lick your lips and taste the sea salt; 4. Feel the motion of your body as you take a sip, walk along the beach, or into grandma’s house; 5. Smell the pleasing odors you expect in your special place–the ocean scent, grandma’s pie in the oven, flowers in the meadow.

*Learn and practice non-strenuous, slow exercises such as yoga or tai chi to physically relax your muscles and help you center thoughts. If you can’t join a class, use internet or bookstore resources. Even if you can’t do every movement, do those you can. Here’s a secret: “see in your mind’s eye” yourself fully doing the exercise. Use this strategy as a visualization. Then be open to how this may subtly change you. Be watchful.

Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you’re in a tense situation, learn the techniques before you need them. Make relaxation a part of your lifestyle, your everyday existence.

As difficult as your feel your situation is, build in hope and personally direct your healing by returning inward and drawing on strengths you may have forgotten or have been afraid to use. It may seem like a difficult road, but it is doable.

The least you need to know:
1. Good coping skills begin with you taking charge of what is needed.
2. If you allow negative thinking to prevail, you will struggle more.

If you chose to accept this mission, it will require:
1. Honestly examining your attitude.
2. Learning the skills above.

The Role of Anger in Delayed Healing

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Awareness Is First Step

Struggling with healing from emotional and physical injuries often becomes a long, drawn out process when the person doesn’t understand or even identify anger’s role.

Anger can be a complication that may confuse the person about what is truly important, and prevent healing abilities from being the major focus. It can have a major negative effect on pain management!

Anger about the injury can take over and cause the person to be stuck in an emotion that, at this point, serves as more destructive than helpful. However, anger is one emotion that may have the most pointed, overall relief when managed appropriately. We will discuss the actual management of anger in future posts.

Of Course, Many Emotions Interact and Influence the Injured Person

As with all healing, numerous emotions play parts in the process. Sadness is easily understood as injuries result in losses, both temporary and long-term, and grief may manifest for the body and emotions that are now changed. Fear jumps in as a protective worry to avoid further loss or pain. Frustration results in wearing the person down to where energies that need to be directed toward healing may be fraught with hopelessness, powerlessness and depression.

Resentments about loss of physical abilities can be a devastating. Medical equipment bolsters physical abilities and may return needed mobility and assistance with daily living tasks. Finding appropriate medical products and physical therapy will reduce the stress of daily survival and coping.

Self Help–A Place to Start

Yes, self-help is a proactive stance. Do not reject getting professional help. It is always amazing that expressing yourself to a therapist may bring unexpected gains. Hopefully, you are not stuck in the old uneducated and foolish belief that you must “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” or you are weak . People that promote no therapy from professionals are uninformed, extremely rigid in old, outdated beliefs and basically stuck in their own issues.

The American Psychological Association (APA) provides a wide variety of help for addressing emotional problems. Reading suggestions by professionals can maximize your ability to manage difficult emotions. You can learn greatly from on-line help by the experts.

Modern technology provides excellent products to teach you techniques in your own home and when it is convenient.

Healing is indeed a complicated event, especially when the injuries are deemed life changing. While all emotions weigh heavily in the person’s likelihood of recovery, perhaps understanding and working with anger may be the most powerful in providing relief and getting the healing process on track.

Viewing Anger in New Ways

Needless to say, anger has gotten a “bad rap” because of some of its destructive properties; however, as an emotion, anger belongs to each and every one of us. It can be destructive, of course. Learning to manage anger is an absolute necessity; we all are born with the potential to get angry, and it can serve a worthwhile purpose in developing our personalities and coping styles. When the learning only tells us to act out, be aggressive towards others or ourselves, or withdraw, retraining is definitely needed.

In other words, if poor behavior choices are what we learned to control anger, we are stuck with an extremely non-adaptive set of behaviors. Poor anger management allows anger to become a dangerous, destructive behavior pattern for us and everyone who crosses our paths. It will stop healing processes at that time. For our bodies to heal, there has to be emotional healing, as has been extensively researched in mind body health.

Wisdom of the Past

An insightful definition of depression long before current diagnostic manuals and rules was “depression is anger turned inward.” Not saying that other dimensions of depression should be overlooked; however, that statement explains the power of anger to derail and create extensive problems in the healing process.

I learned another piece of wisdom when working in a worker’s compensation rehabilitation center: it is not unusual that individuals with difficult, long-term injuries, are often stuck in the healing process. The “stuckness” was frequently related to their anger at their employers or the insurance companies regulating their treatment. The focus of healing has to encompass the emotional component of any injury. Further, it highlights “mind-body theory” that links healing with physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual aspects of the whole person. We are, after all, not just the injury, but the entire person!

Whoa, Not talking May Be the Prescription

As therapists, we have learned that not all emotions should be expressed fully at all times. Certainly talking about your anger should be explored. However, if you find that continuing to express anger merely triggers further anger, you may need a trained professional to help in the exploration. You may learn to limit yourself in anger expression when it becomes apparent that the expression just leads to more anger and frustration, and ultimately it is destructive to you, not helpful.

The Least You Need To Know:
1. Anger is powerful enough to derail healing and increase pain.
2. We are all born with the ability to be angry. It is a natural emotion.
3. If we learned to handle anger a particular way, we can unlearn that way, and find more adaptive behavior.

The Mission, should you choose to accept, requires:
1. Be honest in discovering your anger and how it affects you.
2. Explore ways to manage your anger, including getting help, if need be.
3. Check back with us for more detailed anger management techniques.

Stress Takes a Toll on Families, Especially at Holidays!

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Stress is Affecting Family Well-Being as Americans Head Into Holiday Season

Washington, DC – The American Psychological Association’s (APA) newest Stress in America survey found that stress is taking a physical and emotional health toll on children and could have long-term impacts on the health of families. As the holiday season quickly approaches, psychologists warn that parents and families need to take stock of how the season’s stressors affect them and their families and engage in healthy behaviors to mitigate the physical health consequences of stress.

The survey, which was conducted online by Harris Interactive in August 2010, showed that Americans appear to be caught in a vicious cycle where they manage stress in unhealthy ways, and lack of willpower and time constraints impede their ability to make lifestyle or behavioral changes. Over two-thirds of parents think their stress level has slight to no impact on their child’s stress level, however, only 14 percent of tweens and teens reported that they are not bothered when their parent is stressed. Furthermore, the connection between high stress levels and health is alarming, with 34 percent of obese parents experiencing high levels of stress (defined as an 8, 9 or 10 on a 10-point scale) as compared to 23 percent of normal-weight parents.

“The holiday season is a notoriously stressful time for Americans,” says psychologist Dr. Patricia White. “There is pressure from family, friends and manufacturers to create the perfect holiday season – an unrealistic expectation that is impossible to achieve. It is important that families work together to set realistic holiday expectations and reduce the stress of the season.”

Children model their parents’ behaviors, including those related to managing stress. Parents who deal with holiday stress in unhealthy ways risk passing those behaviors on to their children. Alternatively, parents who cope with stress in healthy ways can not only promote better adjustment and happiness for themselves, but also promote the formation of critically important habits and skills in children. By taking small, manageable steps to a healthier lifestyle, families can establish and work toward goals to be psychologically and physically fit.

APA suggests the following strategies for families to manage holiday stress and enjoy the season:

Take time for yourself Taking care of yourself helps you to take better care of others in your life. Go for a long walk or take time out to read or listen to your favorite music. By slowing down you will actually have more energy to accomplish your goals.
Volunteer Many charitable organizations face new challenges as a result of the ongoing economic downturn. Find a local charity, such as a soup kitchen or a shelter, where you and your family can volunteer together. Helping others who are less fortunate can put hardships in perspective and build stronger family relationships.
Set realistic expectations No holiday celebration is perfect; view inevitable missteps as opportunities to demonstrate flexibility and resilience. Create a realistic budget and remind your children that the holidays aren’t about expensive gifts
Remember what’s important Commercialism can overshadow the true sentiment of the holiday season. When your holiday expense list is running longer than your monthly budget, scale back. Remind yourself that family, friends and the relationships in your life are what matter most.
Seek support Talk about stress related to the holidays with your friends and family. Getting things out in the open can help you navigate your feelings and work toward a solution. If you continue to feel overwhelmed, consider talking with a professional such as a psychologist to help you develop coping strategies and better manage your stress. A psychologist has the skills and professional training to help people learn to manage stress and cope more effectively with life problems, using techniques based on best available research and their clinical skills and experience, and taking into account an individual’s unique values, goals and circumstances.

Copyright APA 2010

Stress in America is part of APA’s Mind/Body Health public education campaign. For additional information on stress and lifestyle and behavior, visit www.apa.org/helpcenter and read the campaign blog at www.yourmindyourbody.org.

The Nevada Psychological Association regularly posts current mind/body health tips on their website in the mind/body health blog. This and more information can be found at nvpsychology.org. The website also has referral information to find a psychologist in your area. To request presentations in the areas of mind/body health, healthy families, stress management and resilience, please don’t hesitate to contact Dr. Leanne Earnest to make arrangements for a speaker. She can be reached through the website or at (702) 222-1812.

Looking At The Universality of Depression

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Preparing For Healing

When depression jumps from an occasional sadness to a clinical problem that doesn’t just go away, treatment is generally a necessity. Then, depression has become a disability. However, certain perspectives are helpful in working with the healing process. Exploring the difficulties that other persons have gone through, similar to yours, brings perspective and strengthens the healing work.

Welcoming Another Writer

As I have been overloaded with re-marketing our other website qualitymatters2me.com, posts for Making Better Lemonade have been lacking the last several weeks. This blog post, 50 Famous Artists & Thinkers Who Have Struggled With Depression/nursingschools.net seemed like the perfect addition to our discussions about healing at this point in time.

What a marvelous perspective regarding depression from the above link. Most depressed individuals can benefit from recognizing that their cases may not be as unique as they may imagine. It feels like depression is individually focused when in the throes of the emotional disability. However, depression is a prevalent condition affecting many individuals from all walks and conditions of life. Somehow, connecting to others’ struggles can bring a new perspective and realization that there is hope and one is not alone.

Depression is a treatable disability. It can have a happy ending. What can be learned from the disability and it’s recovery may set a new course for your life. All recovery processes have lessons to teach and enlightenment of possible solutions never imagined.

Look at these famous people and appreciate the universality of our struggles as we wend our ways through such tumultuous times.

The least you need to know:
1. Famous people experience depression, too.
2. Exploring others’ difficulties brings perspective and strengthens healing.

The mission, should you choose to accept, requires:
1. Use knowledge of others’ depression to bring perspective to your depression.
2.Recognize that healing often occurs when you leave the self-absorption of your difficulties.

Finding Your Indomitable Spirit In Loss

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When Adversity Strikes

These can be dark times when your plate is overflowing with challenges. So dark that you may have forgotten about the spirit of overcoming that you’ve called upon many times. When the unbelievable happens, it takes time and strength to recover your old self who meets challenges and finds a way to cope. Self-esteem, without doubt, has suffered.

Finding perspective is the answer. And grieving the loss. Difficult times are generally about loss–loss of self, abilities, a part of your identity, another person, possessions–the list of possible losses is long. At first, you may even think that you will handle whatever…; then as time passes, the loss may take over to where you lose faith in yourself and become mired in the confusion the loss brings.

Learn to go “inside” and find ways to by centering yourself and controlling anxiety.

Loss Causes A Refocus, A New Direction

Making headway in clearing the confusion rests upon sorting out the importance of various aspects and resolving the emotional reactions–no easy task! It could be thought of as a values clarification: “I have no other path than to ultimately accept the loss, and find a new direction.” Down the line, sometimes way down the line, the events with which you are struggling now, are possibly seen as a blueprint for growth. Working through “acceptance” creates numerous ups and downs–a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts.

Reaching Deep Within

Now is the time to identify your options. No, you would not have chosen the loss, but what paths are now open to you? Who/what are your resources? Do you need professional help to recover? Can you renew old strengths used in other situations? It is a time of self and resource searching.

Making small gains one day and doing the same the next is often the blueprint. Set backs are inevitable. So, you hunker down and do the best you can. Ask for help.

Perhaps, one day you will again see the sunset, notice the blue of the sky, hear the birds, visualize yourself in your own special place and use all your senses to enhance the visualization–sight, hearing, kinetic movement of your body, smell, taste. Rework your self until the indomitable spirit emerges.

The least you need to know:
1. Loss is intimately involved in adversity.
2. Work through acceptance.
3. Find strengths; no harm in asking for help.

Your mission, should you choose to accept, requires:
1. Stay the course.
2. Accept the inevitable.
3. Watch for signs of the indomitable spirit returning.

Self-Esteem–From Loss To Letting Go

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Acceptance Bridges Loss To Letting Go

Following the experience of loss, progressing to moving on with life is a bumpy road with many in between steps hovering over acceptance before settling into letting go. Self-esteem is usually deeply scarred by loss, whether the loss is one’s own abilities (an injury or medical condition), a loved one, a job, a relationship, money, status, property…

Loss is a universal happening that few are spared, and that encompasses the person’s life until the loss is accepted and the person goes on, in spite of the new circumstances, until the grieving work is completed. It is only then that self-esteem begins to repair.

Few go through major losses without damage to self-worth in some form. The questions “why me? what did I do?” often seem locked into the grief process, as though the loss is a personal vendetta. Loss has numerous “stages” that seem universally experienced, such as those laid out by psychiatrist Kubler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Suggestions For Coping

The ability to center oneself and rely on the inner wisdom you have gained just by living long enough will set the tone of all other skills you develop. Easy to learn techniques can be enhanced with tapes, cds or software programs.

At each point in the process of grieving, the danger of losing self-esteem is woven into the picture. Sharing with others helps put the loss in perspective and to keep the focus on the process, not inaccuracies in thinking such as I am not worthy or I need to be punished.

Journaling is a good resource. Writing daily helps the process move along. Write your journal longhand, not on a mechanical device. There is a body connection to handwriting that is not made by typing.

Knowledge about the universality of the process is a further way to put self-esteem issues into perspective. Read about loss and how others cope, read personal stories and professional suggestions. There is no time table or specific route that one must take. Everyone’s process is different, individual progress is the norm.

Acceptance Is The Key

Ultimately, the grieving will lead to acceptance and moving on. Acceptance does not mean that the loss is viewed favorably or that now life goes on as usual. It merely means that the hurt is in a place where day to day functioning can proceed, that one can live life again. The pain is moved from encompassing every waking and sleeping hour to being on the periphery, still able to be touched, but not overwhelming.

Acceptance of loss is the key to moving on. In order to accept loss, a series of processing emotions must occur. Reviewing thoughts and feelings, preferably with another person and/or in your writing will lead to relief.

The emotional pain can be devastating; the person may have gotten stuck in the loss, often because of fear–fear that the emotional pain will be too much to handle. It often feels like the emotional pain will destroy the person, if allowed into awareness. Emotional pain is scary, in itself, emotional expression will build tolerance, and eventually, will move the person into acceptance.

“I’ll Just Stuff It”

The resistance to feeling the emotions is often carried out by avoidance–avoidance of thinking about the events of the loss. Distraction by immersing one’s self in extraneous activities, even “running” from one activity to the next, prevents thoughts, let alone emotions, from being brought into awareness.

The coping mechanism of “running” may even have an appropriate place at times in the assimilation of the loss. No pain can be felt for extended periods without affecting functioning. However, when “running” never stops long enough to process loss even in a minimal way, dysfunction, likely severe depression, ultimately is a risk.

Therapy Is One Answer

Clients tell therapists, “I want to let go, I just don’t know how. I know I have to let go” Invariably, the answer is to process, work through, verbalize, feel the feelings, learn coping skills. In the big, world picture, few go to therapy, and therapy isn’t the only answer. Coping with loss is part of the human condition. For those amenable, therapeutic processing is a welcome answer. At this point the therapeutic process is one of uncovering, layer by layer, the events and pain of the original loss, moving through the loss into acceptance and eventually letting go. When coping with loss has progressed into complicated grief, therapy will restore balance.

Stay The Course

The resolution is process, process, process the loss. Don’t grieve alone. Stay in touch with your positives, those ideas that you believe about yourself that can compensate for your loss. Little by little develop a new way of being. Let the loss be a column of strength that guides you to build a new you. You never have to forget the loss, but evidently you have more work to do.

The least you need to know:
1. There is a way out; it is a process; you need others to help.
2. You are beginning a new life phase.
3. Self worth will return.

The Mission, should you choose to accept, requires:
1. You open yourself to not running, to trust that you can handle the emotions, to let others help.
2. You put the proper perspective on self-esteem: you are worthy, you can survive, you accept loss for what it is and go on to do the best you can.