Rounding Out The Caregiver Role
When a person is dropped into a caregiver role, it may seem impossible to know how to begin. A light bulb lit up for me this weekend while attending a coaching conference: many of the same guidelines of life coaching can be applied in a slightly different manner to care giving.
Basically, the physical and medical needs of their “patient” are major, of course. But, some of the most thorny care giving issues are how to relate emotionally to the elder or disabled, how to help with their emotions, and how to motivate independent living in the face of disappointment and struggles. Whether you’re a caregiver or life coach you’re about to model and teach a whole new way for the person to cope and live with whatever challenges that are now a part of life.
Becoming Skilled at Fostering Positive Attitudes
How can a caregiver resolve problems so that the elder or disabled can have greater personal growth and coping skills? A caregiver has to navigate through a variety of scenarios ranging from the individual’s emotional reactions to a disability to problems that involve family interactions. Bottom line: as a caregiver, you must become skilled at working with human beings to produce positive change and help that person adapt to the new challenges that surface. Pretty tall order!
One of the first orders of business is to explore your own attitudes and possible negativity. No, you are not expected to make life perfect and everything back to normal! You are not responsible for what has happened to make the person disabled. More, you do have responsibility for providing positive support. You can’t work miracles, but you can model encouragement, help in coping with “life’s lemons,” and do the best you can to bring a light of sunshine. Empathy is far from sympathy, and it can be a basic tenet of your care giving.
Many physical problems can be modified with home medical equipment. In turn, the confidence built by having the right equipment spills over into the emotional realm.
It Always Is a Surprise: Just Listening and Talking Work Wonders
A well trained life coach never provides instant solutions, rather coaching is a process whereby the individual decides what efforts and solutions he will bring to his problems. Help the elderly and disabled verbalize what the main problems are, how it affects their outlook, and what might make things better.
Empathizing can be very good, up to a point. The real help is in the process of exploring thoughts and feelings. No feeling is bad, a feeling is a feeling. However, remember, thoughts drive emotions. Helping to “reframe” negative thoughts when possible or encouraging a more positive “spin” will ultimately work better. That takes time and perseverance.
Ah, you say, she doesn’t know my Dad. You are right, but having someone really listen to what he is feeling will prompt better coping than denying those feelings. Remember, it is a process, a marathon, not a sprint!
Get started small; you can’t change a whole lifetime or dissolve the trauma of disability. However, you can be a light in the dark forest that may make all the difference in the world. More Later.
The least you need to know:
1. Care giving involves emotional as well as physical needs.
2. You are not expected to solve problems that cannot be solved.
3. You are a role model for learning to adapt to challenges.
The mission should you chose to accept requires:
1. Getting your own emotional and thinking house in order. Negativity breeds negativity.
2. Talking and listening–without judgment–is magic!
3. Remember the marathon, not the sprint; this will be a lifetime of persistence.
