Bouncing Back After Life’s Lemons

Self-esteem permeates all we do. If it is low, it definitely impairs resilience and stress management skills, in addition to most other aspects of our lives. When trauma or bad events hit, it is difficult not to get inundated with thoughts about failures and perceived inadequacies. Coping with the worst and bouncing back, resilience, gets detoured into long periods of self-doubt, lack of self-confidence and feelings of worthlessness, if self-esteem is low. It drains motivation to cope and leads to feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. Resilience is at a standstill.

Some of us don’t even need particularly bad circumstances to play the “self-worthless” tape. We may let our thoughts about how we have been weighed in the balance and found lacking obsessively take over our attention. Low self-esteem causes us to “roll around in the dirt” of our thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, wondering if it is just our lot in life to fail and never be good enough. So when bad times hit, functioning adequately and overcoming stress is severely limited. Poor self-esteem is at the heart of the matter.

Self-Esteem Makers And Breakers

1. Do find positive answers. 1. Don’t drown in negativity.
2. Do seek out others and interact. 2. Don’t withdraw; friends & family want to help.
3. Do celebrate your accomplishments. 3. Don’t make yourself miserable remembering failures.
4. Do distract yourself by activities. 4. Don’t stay stuck and sit around ruminating.
5. Do respond with skills you have. 5. Don’t react without thinking
6. Do learn new response skills. 6. Don’t be afraid of change.
7. Do think for yourself. 7. Don’t let others’ opinions outweigh yours.
8. Do nurture perspective. 8. Don’t allow “I can’t stand it” to guide you.
9. Do forgive yourself, if needed. 9. Don’t allow guilt to reign.
10. Do get over perfectionism. 10. Don’t forget, no one or any event is perfect!

Here’s number 11, perhaps most important: do consult with your inner self and wisdom; don’t throw away suggestions that will come to you.

The least you need to know:
1. Like resilience, self-esteem is a work in progress.
2. Raising self-esteem bodes well for coping with everything.
The mission, if you choose to accept, is:
1. Decide for yourself what changes need to be made. Consult your inner wisdom.
2. Work on raising self-esteem, you are not assigned this space unless you passively agree or actively reinforce negative behaviors and thoughts.