Continuing From The Last Post
In the last post, a client writes about finally being free of her damaging behaviors that allowed a man to repeatedly hurt her. In this post she explains how she changed her behavior patterns for the good. She definitely will benefit from not being a slave to a person who used her. While this is written from a female perspective, plenty of men can raise their self-esteem to claim independence from being used and subsequently, raise their self-worth.
The Courage To Change
“l’m not sure how I really got over him; talking to you definitely helped me. I just think when I was overseas it finally clicked and I realized there are other people out there that like me, and he’s not the only fish in the sea. Time helped, but I think I finally had to realize for myself that I’m too good for him, and I need to stop beating myself up. If you had told me that I would be feeling this way about “user friend” when I first came to see you, I would have never believed you. I still can’t believe that I am so relieved from him. He was like cancer. I just had to cut him out. I’m actually at my job right now and he is here. I haven’t bumped into him, but I’m strong now, so I’m not worried about him.”
“I did meet 2 other people while I was overseas, so that helped me know that I can still attract other people. (In her encounters with these men she quickly saw a similar pattern developing and was able to stop from getting back into that hurtful pattern.) She goes on to say… I deserve a lot more than what he’s giving me and, if he can’t meet me halfway, then I’m done.”
“I also decided that when I do meet someone, I am not going to get intimate with them, at least until it’s something concrete like a real relationship. That will weed out the guys that are just looking for a good time, and I am not willing to do that any more. I’ve also decided to stop trying too hard and take care of me. I’m trying to be okay with just being me, even if I don’t have anyone, and to enjoy life. I know I’ve said it in the past, but I’m going to really try this time. I’ve already deleted my online dating account.”
“Take Care and keep in touch.”
“client”
Finding The Right Ground
Demanding respect and not allowing old habits to restart will take some juggling until it feels right. There may be many different starts and stops. At times, the tendency will be to withdraw, but somewhere in the middle as you work through all the feelings, a comfortable cadence will be reached. The important lesson here is that you deserve to not be used and only you can prevent a user from taking advantage of you.
The least you need to know:
1. Until you feel positive about yourself, it is easy to fall into old, destructive patterns.
2. Realizing that you are worth more than being used comes from deep within.
This mission, should you choose to accept, requires:
1. Examining your feelings when being used and finding them distasteful.
2. Belief that mutual respect is an integral part of a good relationship
