The Real Shame Is The Shame Itself!
Admitting to depression is a difficult pill to swallow! So, I gathered, from watching journalist Mike Wallace and his wife, Mary, on public television this past week. The emotional pain of their admission was almost palpable as they described their struggle with Mike’s 3 bouts with depression. Evidently,the issue was serious enough for him to have made a suicide attempt during his first bout many years ago.
Too often it takes a major incident to come to terms with the need for outside help. Once treatment is begun, it may not signal a quick and easy solution; however, now there is direction and action, relief is on it’s way. The new hope for help contagiously reaches everyone close. Finally, the risk of suicide can be lessened! Family and friends can breathe a sigh of relief.
Both Mike and Mary epitomized the shame that unfortunately weighs on the client and the family when faced with such a diagnosis. Indeed, Mike admitted that it took some time and strong encouragement from Mary before he agreed to get help. A few public figures have admitted to mental health treatment; most shun that spotlight, or shrink into the shadows, if their past treatment is revealed. Only the very brave come forth. I guess our culture is stunted, if we continue to project shame onto anyone who faces depression!
As If The Problem Itself Isn’t Bad Enough
The press reports that taking antidepressant medication has skyrocketed, telling us that depression is a major problem. Yet, the stigma remains! With the world’s economic downturn, so many face the pain of depression; it intimately affects everyone around them. We must try to break out of old cultural patterns and pride that does not listen to reason.
Treatment Is For The Taking
It was no secret to me that the Wallaces struggled with Mike’s depression. Usually, the first words out of depressed clients’ mouths are shame-filled. They may be unable to make eye contact or find tears streaming down cheeks when they come to the reasons for a therapist visit. Some tears express relief for finally being here, others reveal the shame that they believe depression is weakness. I’m always heartened by clients who readily admit the need for getting help because they can no longer bear the burden of their pain–those who believe they deserve help.
Usually hope for relief jumps out, once clients step over the first barrier of admitting they can’t fight their depression alone. Simple words that start the process of healing! The dread and shame can melt away by taking the first brave step, asking for help.
The Mystic Of Just Talking!
Have you noticed that sometimes when your are filled with fear, the actual facing of the fear diminishes it’s power? So it is with reaching out to a professional for help with the complexities of depression. Trust me, there is no professional mental health provider who will tell you that your feelings are foolish or unfounded, or that you should feel shame.
Often, the best outcome is to blend therapy with medication. One without the other is like biting into a lemon without sweetner. They just belong together, although success in one modality is possibly correct for some. Make that decision with your mental health professional.
Why we are hard-wired to positively respond to sharing our pain and verbalizing our circumstances is mysterious! It works, do not question the gift. More to come in future posts.
The Least You Need To Know:
1. Depression is not a weakness.
2. You are not “less than” others, if you are depressed.
3. Help is a phone call away.
The mission, should you decide to accept, requires:
1. Stepping out of your “shoulds” and into truth.
2. Belief that you do not have to feel this bad!
3. Belief that you have a right to seek relief.
