The Worst Of Long Distance Relationships 
Lest we forget, war takes a horrible toll on all touched. This post is dedicated to the one who is left behind, support is his main mission, and to the one who goes to war.
Not being a military psychologist, I treat those who bravely wave goodbye, knowing their role is as important as the partner’s who is sent to foreign soil, but the role of the one who leaves is seen as primary. The immediate task for the person who stays home is to support, send words and care packages of encouragement, stand by and wait for the one who actually goes to war to complete the tour.
Underestimating The Couple’s Link
When the question of them surviving separation first arises, it may seem to the couple like the love and connection can withstand a lot. Now, lost in the worst fears having materialized, the couple must prepare for deployment. The possibility of separation has always been hanging in the air for military couples. Faced with the reality of their separation happening, they must optimize positive beliefs, reassuring each other of their desire and commitment to weather this storm.
Some Couples Can Not Live With The Challenge
Some unmarried couples may decide to break off the relationship as a way of minimizing loss and protecting personal integrity. Sometimes, there is a genuine under estimate of the connection, sometimes the stress of separation is just not understood until it is actually experienced.
Never, would there be a question of the heroics of the soldier, never a doubt that he/she is openly carrying the torch for his country, giving a part of his soul that he may never recover in the years to come. We would not doubt that his mission is intense, chosen, blessed for his sacrifice and bravery.
The Bravery Of Those Who Wait
However, lost in the obvious spotlight on the brave soldier, are the stomach punch gasps of his partner, parents, children, or friends when they ponder the risks involved, and how their lives also are changed dramatically. Anyone who now has put his life on hold, waiting for the soldier to complete duty also faces tremendous challenges.
The pressure mounts. The partner of the soldier must often reconcile questions, doubts, even unfounded insecurities. His job is to support a brave and deserving partner. No matter what he does, he may fear that it will look selfish, if he complains.
Putting The Pieces Back Together
When the return finally comes, the couple has new challenges to overcome. It is rare that couples are given twists and turns that are easily assimilated or fixed. The battle fatigue of wars past and down through the ages has told us with exclamation points that separation, life in battle and the return are critical markers in each person’s life.
The wise are cautious and may need to learn new ways to delay gratification, and let the integration proceed without pressure, believing once again in the essence of the couple. Just as it took time to learn to live without each others’ physical presence, it will take time and patience to come back together. It is not unusual that events that happened during the separation need to be assimilated in their own time. These lessons present a lifetime of healing and relationship understanding. As with all learning, slow and steady does it.
