Care Giving May Bring an Array of Emotions
Being a care giver is, at times, one of those jobs that can provide indescribable joy, other times it may seem thankless, even hopeless. In most jobs in our lifetime, there are different markers that tell us if we are succeeding, e.g. raises in pay, boss’ evaluations that give us the needed “atta boy/girl”, inner feelings of pride in our work.
Alas, especially if you are a care giver of friends or family, you may be expected to do a great job, with little positive feedback. The patient has suffered a traumatic time for whatever caused the disability and may not have a lot to give back to a care giver. It is just the job you are expected to do!
Now the discussion so far may not be as negative for you. You may be feeling rewarded and satisfied. That is ideal. But just in case the care giver role may have burned you out, evaluating your own success can help you cope with some of those overwhelming feelings that care giving brings. You can give yourself an “atta girl/boy!
The Tips
1. Begin with an examination of your own attitudes, beliefs and work ethic. If you uncover feelings of negativity, being overwhelmed, out of control with anger, and otherwise detrimental attitudes proceed directly to Number 10 below. At the very least do some thoughtful care giving to yourself. It may be possible that you could be depressed from this very stressful job. No shame in getting help!
2. Plan your care giving time to include time just to listen to your patient. Being heard by another human being is one of the most important gifts that we can give and a magic cure for so many worries.
3. Educate yourself about the many products, such as mobility and bath safety aids, that are available to support and make life easier and more comfortable for the elderly and disabled. Some products will make your job incredibly easier and safer for you and your patient.
4. Evaluate your patient in terms of what you would find helpful, if you were in his/her shoes. Then try to include helpful aids or behaviors that you identified as something you would like. No harm in trying out a new activity.
5. Tally up the patient’s likes and dislikes, and make a concerted effort to magnify the “likes” for the patient.
6. Understand that the patient’s “grumbles” may be more about disappointment and feeling of helplessness, than a direct criticism of you.
7. See the environment from the patient’s eyes with respect to needs for privacy, access to meeting personal needs, lack of ability in independent self care, and general comfort in living. Use your findings to solve problems.
8. Recognize signs of depression (feeling down, apathy, anger, poor concentration anxiety, fatigue, restlessness, irritability) and get a mental health consult, if you aren’t sure. Depression is treatable, but you may need a professional’s help for your patient.
9. If you think at times that your patient may not be physically well, or even not thinking or expressing themselves like they have previously, don’t hesitate to involve the primary care physician. Care giving is best when it is a team effort, and you know when to involve others!
10. By all means, recognize that you need a break from care giving duties on a regular basis. You will be better at your job, if you have a respite. All too often, care givers are dedicated to the patient to the degree of letting their own needs run amok. Burn out will never result in good care giving.
Now honestly assess your efforts. If your motives are pure, you should be able to reach around your shoulders and give yourself an “atta girl or boy” for a job well done! Or, at the very least, you have a blueprint to improve your care giving!
